You Don’t Find A Good Marriage. You Build One.

Cinderella meets Prince Charming, it’s love at first sight. He chases after her, finds her, marries her, they live happily ever after.

But we live in the real world! We can’t honestly think it is that easy. And if it is that easy, you should probably be a little skeptical!

Every relationship reaches a point of “this is not what I expected.” Or “you’re different than when we met.”

And my response would be, you are right.

No one can tell the future, so there is no way you could’ve expected exactly the way things would pan out. And yes your spouse has changed. So have you. If you haven’t changed, then you have a problem. We are supposed to be continually changing, continually growing. When you are married, your relationship WILL change. Just add that in your vows, I vow to love you when you are different than you are now.

That’s probably one of the biggest things you hear when someone is unhappy in their relationship. “They aren’t the same any more.” Well how can you expect them to be? Everything you do in life changes you, whether small or big. You get a new job, it changes you. You have children, it changes you. You finally try Chili’s Honey Chipotle Crispers, and it changes you! Okay maybe that last one is just me, but really, have you tried them? You should.

Like I said in my blog I Choose You, it’s all a simple choice of choosing to continue to love your spouse. That’s the same for when your spouse changes, you have to choose to love them even though they might not be the same any more. One of the hardest circumstances to overcome is when your spouse is grieving a loss. Whether it is your child you had together, a parent, a sibling, or a friend. Grief will change a person in ways that they won’t fully understand for a while. You can learn more about how to help them on my blog How To Be A Friend During Their Time Of Grief.

This is one reason why I think establishing a Date Night is so important! Lives are busy. You work, you eat, you sleep, you raise kids. You lose time with each other. A date night gives you personal time to sit and talk. Don’t sit around playing on your phone, reconnect with your spouse. See what is new with them. Maybe they have a new interest, a new hobby, a new friend, a new dream. You need to be continually learning about them or one day you’ll wake up wondering who the stranger is sleeping next to you. I think it’s a great idea to talk to your spouse about where you see yourselves in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. You can learn a lot from those kinds of conversations!! You never need to stop dating your spouse! Keep courting her, keep being romantic with him.

From the great Joe McGee “You don’t find a good marriage, you build one.”

When you build a house for instance, you start with a great foundation. You build the frame, you build the roof, you build it piece by piece. A marriage is the same! The best foundation you can build your marriage on is God and friendship. Without God you are likely to find yourselves in situations with no hope, and that’s where marriages die. Without friendship, your relationship is likely based on attraction, and emotion. Both of which will change over the years. A friendship is something that will last the test of time. You then start adding to your relationship. Building it up. But don’t think once your marriage is great, that the work stops. You are continually improving it. If you don’t improve a house, what happens? The paint starts to chip, the floors start to creak, the roof leaks, and before you know it, your beautiful home is in ruins. You can’t afford to let that happen in your marriage. Yes, you can take a ruined relationship and build it back up, but if you are like me, I’d rather just keep it great ! I’m going to start a little project. I’m going to get a notebook, and every night I’m going to think about my day. Did I add to my marriage today, or did I tear part of it down? I think this will be a great way to keep myself in check, and to help myself improve as a spouse !

I hope this helps you, and inspires you , as always

Live Life Big !

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